Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize