If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
