So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
