Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
