I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
