I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
