My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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