im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
