I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
