sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
