I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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