Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
