So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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