Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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