Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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