oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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