Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
