ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
