I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
