so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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