some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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