He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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