Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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