I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
