thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
