I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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