She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had sex on a roof
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
