Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
