i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
