All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
