I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize