You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
