This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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