I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize