Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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