Rock
Scissors
Fuck
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
