If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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