dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
