Your dad touched me again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
