Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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