My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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