doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
