He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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