he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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