is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
