She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize