i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
