R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
