party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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