Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
