brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
