Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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