I think my fart just growled at me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want nice things and good sex
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
