Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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