I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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