Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
