you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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