Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
