i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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