i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize