i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
