I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no, he came in my armpit
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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