I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
