woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
