I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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