Will you blow on my dice?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
