you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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