Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
