Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
