I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize