Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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